


It's Not Me

by hopeangel11



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Again I'm sorry!, Character Death, Harry and Liam are best friends, He gives Harry everything just to make him happy, I cried writing some of this, Liam's in love with Harry but Harry doesn't know, Liam's too nice, Louis may be in love with Liam, M/M, Multi, Nick may be in love with Harry, Oblivious!Harry, Or you may not, Sad Ending, Sad!Louis, So you may cry too, Sorry!, and then..., but sorta not so sad also, confused!Harry, happy!Liam, happy!Nick, happy!harry, happy!louis, just please read to the end!, nice!Liam, sad!harry, sad!liam, the rating is mainly because of some cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 17:28:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4714367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopeangel11/pseuds/hopeangel11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’re gonna fight me for him, aren’t you?”</p><p>“No. No, I wouldn’t – I’m not going to fight you, Nick. He’s happy with you, so it would be… pointless.”</p><p>“But I thought you – “</p><p>“I do. Well, I do still love him – always have, but seeing how happy he is with you… He loves you very much. And I wouldn’t even dream of taking his happiness away. But trust me when I say this – I’m working on getting over him so you two can be together happily without you worrying about me. I just want him to be happy all the time, and if me getting over him is what I have to do, because I know there’s no chance of me ever being with him, then I’ll do it.”</p><p>He sighs and leans against the railing beside Liam, looking out as well. “I don’t think I deserve him then, if you’re willing to just let him go like that. I mean, doesn’t it hurt? Isn’t it hard for you?”</p><p>“Yeah. But it’s not about me. It’s about him and his happiness.”</p><p>“… Over yours?”</p><p>“Always. And besides, I’m not – It’s not me. I never was and I doubt I ever will be. And that’s okay with me, ‘cause I’d do anything for him. This – this doesn’t change anything. I don’t know about you, but I have always put him first, before myself, and I hope you do the same.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not Me

**Author's Note:**

> Another long one shot!
> 
> Sorry for the length, but usually when I start writing a story now, it usually ends up being a lot longer than I thought it would be. I had this idea for a while, and was finally able to write it down and post it for all of you to read!
> 
> ***Just to warn you before you start reading, there's a lot happening: a lot of emotions described, lots of ships happening, and different POVs at some parts (but it's mainly in Harry's POV in third person). I hope you don't get too confused! I tried my best to write it as clearly as I could, and I really hope I don't have much or even any mistakes. Most importantly, someone may or may not die, but you'll have to read it to find out who! (I'm sorry about that, but it was always part of the plot!)
> 
> Anyway, ENJOY READING! I hope you like it!
> 
> (Again, I'm sorry for the ending! It's sad, but sorta not... Oh, just read to the end and you'll get why.)

_I didn’t even notice when he started doing this or anything for me. But I wish I did._

 

“Did you see him, Li? Did you see Nick? He was totally checking me out, right? Like, I wasn’t just imagining it? Please tell me you saw that!”

“Nick who?” Liam teases, chuckling as his jaw drops.

“Not funny! I’m being serious right now, Liam. He was looking at me, wasn’t he?”

“Yeah, fine, he _totally_ was. Now, do you want another drink, or should I cut you off already since you’re so bouncy right now?”

“Another one, please!” he beams, batting his lashes at his best friend, who snorts and walks off in the direction of the kitchen where the drinks are. He’s left standing alone, which gives him time to breathe and really process what just happened.

Nick just stared at him. And Liam just confirmed that it happened, so excuse him for being such a fan-girl about this. He shakes his head, then decides to just suck it up and actually look back at Nick without getting embarrassed about being caught. If Nick happens to be staring back, then it’s a win-win, isn’t it? So he should just do it.

Except, the problem is… Well, Nick’s not across the room from him anymore.

Frowning, Harry looks around as he stays in place and waits for Liam to return with their drinks. He knows Nick has to be around here somewhere. He’s not one to leave parties early, so all Harry has to do is catch his eye and –

No, not _him_. Definitely not looking for him.

He scowls as he catches the eye of none other than Louis freaking Tomlinson, who looks him over and scoffs. Like Harry’s this unworthy peasant to his ‘Drama Queen-ness’ and he just can’t afford to spend any more time looking at him. As if Harry wants to look at him at all. To him, Louis is this despicable prick who fights Harry over anything. And by anything, Harry means attention at parties or with their mutual friends, Nick (Louis actually kissed Nick in front of him after finding out how taken Harry is by the older hipster, sticking his tongue down Nick’s throat and looking directly at Harry the whole time, as if he was making sure that Harry knew just how good he is at winning against him. The good thing is that Nick pushed him off and is now bitter towards Louis about it, which Harry considers as a win), and even _Liam_.

That last one – he doesn’t really understand. He remembers clearly that when they were all kids – Louis, Liam, him and Niall – and Louis didn’t even like Liam very much. They barely got along and would argue and fight over just about any toy and whatnot. But, for some reason, when Harry and Liam became close and inseparable (best friends) since the first time they met, Louis was even worse. Not towards Liam, but to Harry. And it was like he made sure that Harry had to live through hell, pretty much.

If anyone were to ask him, he’d say that Louis was just jealous of his and Liam’s friendship. Jealous that they were so close and that he couldn’t have a friendship quite like it with anyone, no matter how hard he tried. Jealous that Liam wasn’t his best friend. Jealous that Liam wasn’t as close to him as he was to Harry.

And Harry thinks that fine. At least, he thought it _was_ fine.

But when they got to high school, Louis made it his life mission to try and steal Liam away from him. Oh, and Harry knew exactly what he was doing. He was even worse to Harry, but he acted like some deceitful angel to Liam the whole time. The other three were pretty baffled by Louis’ change in attitude towards Liam. From freshman year to now, Louis pretty much clung onto Liam whenever he could and made sure to leave Harry out of anything the two of them did. Even Niall noticed and tried to talk to Louis about it (since he is Louis’ best friend and all), yet the oldest lad ignored him and continued to try and pull Liam away from Harry.

Fortunately for Harry, Liam never strayed too far away from him. Liam would always return to him in the end, so he knows that he’s really won what’s important – Liam’s friendship. It’s something he values just about more than anything, and he wouldn’t know what he’d do without it. He wouldn’t know what he’d do without _Liam_ , because that boy is just one of a kind. Not many people are like him, and there is definitely no one that _is_ him.

There’s just one Liam, and he feels like the luckiest lad in the world to have him in his life.

He can kinda see why Louis’s into Liam. And yeah, even if Louis tries to deny it to him or anybody, he still knows how Louis really feels about Liam. It’s not that hard to see. Louis definitely isn’t fooling him about that.

“ … Hazza? You okay?”

He blinks out of his thoughts and sends Louis one last glare before looking over at Liam. He takes the bottle of beer and smiles back at his best friend, who’s giving him a worried look. He reaches out and runs his thumb over Liam’s eyebrows to smoothen them out of being furrowed like that. Liam always looks better when he’s just smiling and happy and crinkly-eyed... Basically when he’s ‘Happy Liam’.

“Just saw Louis and wanted to claw his eyes out,” he replies eventually, trying to turn Liam’s frown into a smile with his fingers. “But don’t worry, I won’t.”

“Don’t let him get to you, remember? You know how Lou just loves to get under your skin for fun.”

“Right. ‘Cause he’s been torturing me for _years_ ‘for fun’.”

“He doesn’t mean it, you know that.”

Liam, bless his heart, always thinks the best of people. It’s both a blessing and a curse, if you ask Harry. Yes, as nice as it is to see the best in people, it can be end poorly when people take advantage of him. And Harry absolutely _hates_ it when people take advantage of Liam’s kindness and big heart. He hated it when people would somehow persuade Liam to do all the work in group projects back in high school and he would just do it happily. Anything to get them all a good mark, right? Well, Harry disagreed. He was determined to keep that from happening again by begging his teachers to let the two of them be in the same group for every project just so he could ensure that everyone has their own part (and actually do it) instead of leaving Liam with the responsibility of doing the whole thing all by himself. It was so rude and mean to do such a thing to poor, naïve Liam and their classmates knew that, but kept trying to do it anyway. He prevented that from happening after it started a few times back in freshman year, and he’s quite proud of himself.

But now, he really thinks Liam should see what Louis has been and _is_ doing. And what he’ll probably be doing for the rest of their lives if Liam doesn’t end his friendship with the older lad. If he could just do this for Harry, then he’ll be even happier. That’s all he asks.

“Don’t think he is, Li. He’s a damn menace, is what he is,” he grumbles before taking a sip of the beer in his hand.

“He is, I won’t disagree with you on that. But he’s really not that bad, Haz.”

“Well, that hurts, Payno. I thought you were on my side this whole time,” Louis cuts in suddenly, walking to Liam’s side from behind and putting his arm around Liam’s shoulder.

Harry really wishes Liam would sputter out an apology or even shrug off Louis’ arm like he used to. Back when he wasn’t used to being in contact with just anyone. Back when he really disliked (he won’t ever admit that he ‘hated’ Louis, but Harry believes he did) Louis and could barely stand being in the same room as him. Instead, Liam laughs and mirrors Louis by putting an arm around his shoulder.

“It’s true, though. Everyone knows that about you, Lou.”

“But let’s try to describe me in positive words around all these other people who haven’t been lucky enough to meet me yet.”

“In that case, you’re funny as can be, have nice eyes, and can brighten just about anyone’s day, including mine,” Liam states, earning a bright smile and twinkling eyes from Louis.

Harry rolls his eyes and snorts as he takes a long sip from his beer. Louis narrows his eyes at him, but Liam squeezes his shoulder to keep him from saying something rude in return. Liam winks at Harry and, as the best friend Harry could ever ask for, he says,

“And your feet stink, Lou. Can’t forget about that.”

“Liam!”

“You can’t even fight me on this.”

“Rude,” Louis mumbles, stealing Liam’s beer and chugging the rest of it down before giving it back.

Liam doesn’t seem to mind, but Harry sure does. Like he just pondered about, he _hates_ it when people take advantage of Liam’s kind-heartedness, and that definitely includes Louis. He was definitely going to say something about it, except Niall walks up to them and mentions Nick walking towards them. Well, to _him_ , so if he forgets what he was about to snap at Louis, then it’s not really his fault. Liam knows how to defend himself. He’s lectured Liam about it more than enough times.

“Lads,” Nick says when he reaches them and nods at everyone before his eyes land on Harry. Then he looks him over – _totally_ checks him out – before he adds, “Styles. Enjoying the party?”

“Uh, y- yeah. It’s nice.”

“ _Just_ ‘nice’?”

The other three chuckle, but at least Liam tries his best to keep his smile down. He fails after a few more seconds, but he gives Harry an apologetic smile, so he’s forgiven. The others – well, they have to earn it. Except Louis, because he can’t.

“Never mind. Wanna dance with me? I managed to convince the DJ to play my type of music and I think you’ll like it.”

He’s pretty sure his heart just stopped. Nick didn’t just – Did Nick Grimshaw really just ask _him_ to _dance_ with him? After blinking and sputtering out nonsense for probably a whole minute, Liam catches his eye and gives him a thumbs up, urging him to go for it with a smile on his face. He smiles back softly before he clears his throat and shakes off his nerves. It’s just Nick. He can totally flirt back.

Or maybe he can’t. He hasn’t even answered yet, when Liam finally breaks the now awkward silence.

“He’d love to, Nick. He’s just a bit flustered.”

“Well, then. How flattering, Styles. Thought it was one-sided between us,” Nick responds, nodding at Liam before he takes Harry’s hand and pulls him to the dance floor.

Before he knows it, Nick has them somewhere near the middle and surrounded by a lot of sweaty bodies. He still hasn’t said anything from being so overwhelmed, and he just can’t manage to figure out what to say. Like, what does one even say when their all-time crush actually notices them, let alone asks them to dance? He’s completely lost on this, and it’s so lame. He’s so embarrassed.

“I know I’m quite a looker, but with you staring at me so much, you can almost make me blush.”

“Oh. S- sorry. It’s just – I can’t believe this is happening right now,” he confesses and immediately regrets it, thinking he’s totally ruined their moment. If there even was one.

Apparently he doesn’t, though, because Nick laughs. Like, he actually laughs – or maybe that’s a chuckle? – and looks down at him, pulling Harry flush against his body. He blushes and stammers again, but Nick doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, he leans down and gruffly speaks lowly into his ear, sending shivers down his spine.

“Remind me to thank your friend over there later.”

“What? Who – “

“You know, I didn’t think he would be the one to tell me that you had a crush on me. I had no idea, but he just went up to me in the kitchen after he grabbed you a beer and told me to ask you to dance.”

“H- he did that?” he asks, pulling back to look over at Liam, who is talking too closely to Louis.

“Yeah. Didn’t see it coming, since I thought you two had a thing. But he told me you fancied me quite a lot, so I went for it and here we are, Styles,” Nick continues, looking down at him with a smirk on his face. “You’ve got a lovely best friend, that’s for sure. Nice of him to do that, huh?”

His throat feels dry and he has to swallow twice before he replies.

“Yeah,” he whispers, looking over Nick’s shoulder to keep his eyes on Liam and Louis giggling over there. “He’s something, alright.”

He doesn’t know why, but he really doesn’t like seeing Liam that happy with Louis. He doesn’t like seeing Liam smile like that at Louis, because that’s the smile he usually only directs at _him_. That’s the smile that can brighten up _his_ day any time he’s whining about never getting Nick’s affection in return. That’s the smile that Liam gives him when he’s said a joke that isn’t that funny, but he laughs anyway because he’s that good of a friend. Because he really cares about Harry and convinced Nick to finally approach him.

He knows he shouldn’t be bothered by how close Liam and Louis are, but he is. He just is, and it’s hard. He couldn’t tell anyone why he feels like this. Even with Nick’s arms around him, he knows he shouldn’t be thinking about anything else, but he is.

And he can probably figure it out later.

 

~~~

 

_I should’ve known… After everything he’s done for me. It was so obvious._

 

“Haz, come on now. Stop talking nonsense.”

“But it’s true!” he says exasperatedly. “We got into this huge fight and he probably never wants to see me again.”

“You’re overthinking this,” Liam says gently.

“How? I was the one who brought it up and then we just started yelling at each other. I mean, yeah, so maybe it wasn’t our first fight, but it’s never gotten this bad. We’ve never yelled at each other like that. And he’s never walked out on me, Li.”

“Just call him. I’m sure he’s over it now and you can both talk about it.”

“I shouldn’t have brought up his ex,” he continues. He knows he shouldn’t be ignoring what Liam’s saying, but he’s just so upset right now. He and Nick just got into their first major fight over something he now realizes is stupid. “I was just so jealous when he mentioned that he actually hung out with his ex and his other friends two days ago. Like, I know that stuff between them was in the past, but I got scared of losing him. What if Nick wanted to get back together with him? Then what would I do?”

Liam doesn’t say anything then, so Harry stops talking and looks up from where he has his head laid on Liam’s lap. He seems to be thinking hard about something, because he’s biting his lip and that’s a dead giveaway knowing him so well.

“Li?”

“Just, um, give me a minute, okay?” Liam says as he gently pushes Harry of his lap and gets up from the couch.

“For what? Liam, where are you going?”

“Watch something on the telly or text Gemma – anything. I’ll be back.”

He doesn’t get to say anything in return as Liam leaves the room with his phone in hand. He blinks and sits up on the couch, wondering what Liam could possibly be doing now instead of listening to Harry wallow in self-pity about his ruined relationship.

Mind you, he knows Liam probably didn’t want to listen to him go on about how much he doesn’t want to lose Nick to whomever, but still. Liam is his best friend, and as selfish as this is, he should just listen to him anyway. That’s, like, his duty and he should be focused on helping Harry not get swallowed up in this hole of depression. He’s supposed to keep that from happening.

 _What is he doing now, anyway? What’s so important that he had to do it now instead of waiting until I’m all better?_ he wonders as he stares at the telly.

“Nothing to watch, Hazza?” Liam asks when he walks back into the room and sits beside him again.

“You left me,” he whines, pouting ridiculously.

“I had to for a bit. You’ll thank me later, I hope. Wasn’t too hard, though.”

“Well, you owe me more cuddles, then. That’s what you get for leaving your friend in need.”

“You’re such a baby.”

Even so, Liam complies and opens his arms for Harry. He smiles and buries his face into Liam’s neck, breathing in his familiar scent and taking in his never-ending warmth. He sighs and tucks his head in as he wraps his arms around Liam and closes his eyes. Liam always gives the best hugs and cuddles. He wouldn’t mind being here for the rest of his life, to be completely honest. Liam’s always so warm and there for him.

 

After an hour of cuddling and watching some cooking shows, which he knows are for him, the doorbell rings. He furrows his brows as Liam starts to pull away to get it.

“No,” he complains, hating the feeling of no longer being in Liam’s arms and warmth. “Leave it.”

“Can’t leave your boyfriend standing out there.”

“My what?”

Liam just smiles and kisses his forehead before untangling himself from Harry. He gets up from the couch and heads to the door, which he opens just after whoever is on the other side rings the doorbell again. Sitting up now, he peaks over the top of the couch and sees Liam smiling kindly as he opens the door for –

 _No way_.

“Nick?” he asks softly, not loud enough to be heard by said lad.

“Thanks for calling me, Liam. Wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk to me again,” Nick says sheepishly after he walks in and Liam closes the door behind him.

“Not a problem. Just make him happy again, yeah?”

“Sure.”

His heart is hammering in his chest as Nick looks around and spots him sitting on the couch. When their eyes meet, Harry blushes and ducks his head to hide his face and turn around. He’s panicking now, he knows. But he can’t help it. He can’t believe that Nick in his house right now. And because… _Liam_ called him over?

“Hey, Harry.”

“H- hi.”

“Look. I’m so sorry for going off on you like that. I shouldn’t have yelled at you for bringing up – “

“You’re here,” he interrupts breathlessly, launching himself at Nick to hug him tight. “You’re really here.”

“Yeah. Liam called me and told me how upset you were. I was gonna call you, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to talk to me after everything… I’m glad he told me to come over so I can now tell you that I’m not breaking up with you over something so stupid. And it’s not your fault. None of it was.”

He smiles shakily and lets Nick kiss him, showing him that he forgives him. When they pull away, Harry gently places his hand on Nick’s cheek and rubs their nose together. Somewhere in the background, he suddenly hears a door being shut carefully, but loud enough to still be heard from the living room. He blinks and looks to the front door, wondering where Liam went, because he _was_ just standing there.

“Where’s – “

“Said he trusted me to make you smile, so you didn’t need him anymore.”

“Well, he was right to tell you to come here,” he whispers, forcing a small smile on his face as Nick pecks his lips again and pulls him on his lap. “He didn’t have to leave, though.”

Because it’s true. Liam didn’t have to leave just so he could give them some time alone. He could’ve stayed and hung out with them so Harry could thank him for doing this for him. For calling Nick and telling him to come over just to make up with Harry.

Liam should’ve stayed, but he didn’t. And Harry’s still figuring out why he’s upset about that.

 

It’s a week later that he finally gets to talk to Liam about that. That he finally gets to bring it up and properly show Liam how much he appreciated it. But what led up to it – well, it was unexpected.

They’re all at Liam’s flat, getting drunk off their arses and trying to play FIFA. He’s just finished his fourth bottle of whatever beer Louis brought over and leans his head on Liam’s shoulder as his best friend plays another round against Louis. He smiles lazily and nuzzles his face on Liam’s shoulder, not minding that his arm keeps moving every now and then as he presses the buttons on the controller in his hands. He even manages not to scold Louis for being so loud when he scores or misses and Liam scores.

“Not fair, Lou!”

“There’s no way I’m letting you win again, Payno,” Louis retorts after he managed to steal Liam’s controller from him.

“That’s cheating, you know,” Liam states, trying to get his controller back.

“Nah. It’s just a strategy to win.”

Louis hollers as he scores and ends up winning. Liam scowls and protests vocally when Louis starts climbing on top of him to pinch his nipples playfully. Harry groans and pulls away just before Louis manages to tackle Liam on his back on the floor and starts biting his neck.

He freezes when he notices that not only is Louis biting Liam, but he’s also he’s leaving behind love bites wherever he can. Liam is just giggling and trying to push Louis off, but the older lad is insistent on leaving his mark. But last time Harry checked, they weren’t together. Liam and Louis aren’t dating, so Louis doesn’t have the right to leave those marks on Liam. Liam isn’t his. Liam doesn’t like Louis _that way_.

… Unless he does? And they _are_ actually dating?

“Stop that,” he snaps suddenly, finally moving to push Louis off of Liam.

“Hey,” Louis protests as he glares back at him and tries to get back on top of Liam. As if Harry would let that happen. “What the hell’s your problem, _Harold_?”

“ _You’re_ my problem, _Lewis_.”

“Surprise, surprise. Like I didn’t already know that, Curly.”

“Then you know better,” he retorts.

“Okay, woah. Enough, lads,” Liam says sternly, kneeling in between them, but they ignore him.

He narrows his eyes at Louis, who is glaring back at him. He’s just about to snap and finally strangle Louis because, let’s face it – It’s been a long time in the waiting. Louis’s been torturing him for years just because he wanted to steal Liam from him. Just because he’s hopelessly in love with Liam and he thinks he can suddenly have all of Liam.

But then Louis grinds out, “You don’t _own_ Liam. You never have.”

“Never said I did.”

“Well, you sure have been acting like you do. Like, how selfish can you be about him?”

“He’s _my_ best friend.”

“Doesn’t mean you’re the only person in his life. You freaking have a _boyfriend_ , so why the hell would you still need Liam at your beck and call whenever you want a fucking _cuddle_? Are you that _dependent_ on someone that you’re _not even dating_? Can’t you see how much he lo- “

“I said that’s _enough_!” Liam shouts, making all of them stop and shut their mouths. “I think you all need to go home now.”

“But Liam – “

“Go home, Lou. Please, just go.”

Louis opens and closes his mouth as if he’s about to say more, but he chooses not to. He closes his mouth and glares at Harry one last time before he stands up and mumbles an apology to Liam. Niall follows him after patting Liam’s shoulder and waving at Harry. He nods back, but keeps his eyes on Liam, who turns off the Play Station and starts cleaning up.

He stays seated on the floor, not sure if he should help Liam out. But when Liam manages to pick up all the bottles and bring them to the kitchen without a word, he sighs and finally stands up. He needs to apologize and talk to Liam. He can’t go home without making things right with his best friend.

“Li, – “

“I can clean up on my own, Harry,” Liam declares without facing him and making him wince when Liam used his actual name instead of his nickname. “You can go home too.”

“Let me apologize first,” he insists, because he has to. He can’t lose Liam after tonight or ever.

“I don’t think I can talk about this right now.”

“Then I’ll do the talking. Just please listen to me, okay?”

When Liam stops cleaning up and sighs like he’s exhausted, he turns around to face him with a blank expression on his face. Harry drops his eyes to the floor and wrings his fingers together before he finally speaks up.

“First of all, I’m sorry for snapping at Louis like that in front of you. I know – “

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to about that.”

“True, but I shouldn’t have done it in front of you,” he gives in, then finally looks up to meet Liam’s eyes. “It’s just – He was biting you and leaving those stupid love bites he does, and I guess I just lost it. I wasn’t cross with you or anything, but you did just let him do it and it wasn’t – I didn’t think you’d just let him, you know?”

“He does that all the time,” Liam points out.

“Yeah, but you _let_ him. You always let him, and – I mean, you don’t _like_ him, do you?”

Liam looks taken aback by that question and doesn’t answer for a while. He looks like he’s about to reply, but then doesn’t. Like he doesn’t know how to go about answering the question. Harry doesn’t want to pressure Liam into responding, but he just needs to know.

“If you do, then – I mean, I won’t mind. You’re my best friend and I’ll accept whoever you love ‘cause it’s you. But Louis is… I don’t know if he’s really ‘the one’.”

“I might learn to love him, though.”

“O- oh. Really?”

“Well, he’s a riot and a menace and all that. But he’s also really fun and hilarious and – Yeah, I guess I could.”

Harry doesn’t know what to say back, so he just nods and looks down at the floor. For some reason, his eyes sting and start to water, but he holds his tears back and really takes in everything that’s been said. He knows Liam’s bisexual, as they’ve both talked about it when they were younger and Liam was confused as hell. But he’s always grateful that Liam trusted him enough to figure it out with _him_ before anyone else. And looking back on those days, he remembers that Liam was his first kiss, and Harry was Liam’s. It was awkward, but not awful. He remembers how Liam’s lips felt even back then, with how plump and soft and they were… And yet, that was the only time they’ve ever done anything as intimate as that. Besides the cuddling, of course. That kiss, though, Harry doubts he’ll ever forget it. Not that he wants to, anyway. It was a good memory, like every single one with Liam. They’ve been through everything together, and he hopes that continues for the rest of their lives.

“That – that’s great news then, Li. I’m happy for you… You know, if you actually go through with it. Accepting Louis and all,” he finally manages to say, forcing a smile on his face and choosing to ignore the bitterness in his heart.

“Thanks, but we’ll see. You know how complicated Louis can get.”

“Oh, do I.”

Liam chuckles and finally walks up to Harry, giving him a hug. Harry sighs and hugs him back tightly, not wanting to ruin this moment of theirs. He knows things started off tense, but as always, they’ve managed to work through it. And he’s very grateful that he’s not losing his best friend over a fight he had with Louis, Liam’s _other_ best friend and possible ‘boyfriend-to-be’.

As they’re hugging and Liam’s rubbing his back, Harry remembers why he really came over here.

“I never got to thank you for what you did for me and Nick the other day.”

“Hmm? Oh, right. Everything’s all good between you two? ‘Cause if it’s not, then I might just have to take matters into my own hands and make Nick apologize to you,” Liam jokes.

“You wouldn’t, and you don’t have to, anyway, ‘cause we’re all good. Just remind me later, like _really_ later, that I have to apologize to Louis. You know, _someday_. No need to rush, since he wasn’t exactly innocent either.”

“Of course… So, how long are we gonna hug?”

“If I had a choice of doing this forever, then definitely forever,” he admits, smiling as he nuzzles his face into Liam’s neck. “You give the best hugs, have I ever told you that? ‘Cause you’re so warm and comfy… Kinda like a live pillow that I wanna keep by my side forever.”

“And I think your drunken mind has taken over. Maybe I should get you home, yeah? Or maybe Nick can pick you up?”

“No, no. Nick’s working at the radio station tonight, so you should drive me home.”

“Whatever you want, Haz,” says Liam after kissing his forehead lightly and leading him towards the front door.

“You’re the best, Li. So lucky… to have you,” he mumbles with his face still nuzzled into Liam’s neck.

He doesn’t hear what Liam says back because he’s drifting off. But he does know that Liam mumbles something into his hair before he starts leading Harry towards his car on the driveway. He just smiles and lets Liam practically drag him over there, knowing how strong and very capable Liam is of just picking him up over his shoulder and putting him in the car.

That may have been what he was dreaming about as he slept in the car, but he can’t be too sure. All he knows for sure is that Liam got him all ready for bed as soon as they got to Harry’s house and left a glass of water and some painkillers on his nightstand.

 _Yeah, Liam’s the best_.

 

~~~

 

They’re at another party of one of Nick’s friends back in Uni taking place at a huge mansion he knows for sure his friend wanted to show off.

Of course Nick invited Harry, his boyfriend of two years now, and as expected (and as usual) Harry invited Liam. Nick doesn’t really have a problem with Liam. Well, not _really_. It’s just – Anyone but Harry has probably already noticed that this puppy-like, strong, and incredibly kind lad is in love with his best friend. Probably always has been, but as far as Nick knows, Liam’s never made a move on Harry. He’s never gone out of his way and confessed his feelings to his best friend.

But Nick knows. And so do Louis and Niall, as they’ve known Liam for many years now. The three of them have briefly spoken about it, but they never went into great detail about it. Mind you, Nick knew of Liam’s feelings and completely understood the appeal of Harry Styles. And yet, he was surprised when Liam walked up to him at that one party and actually asked Nick to make a move on Harry, as he claimed that he knew Nick was into Harry just about as much as Harry was into him. To say Nick was surprised would be the all-time understatement. He couldn’t believe that this lad, this ever-so-kindhearted lad who’s evidently very much in love with his best friend, would actually ask _him_ to finally ask Harry out.

Nick remembers himself being completely shocked. Never would he have predicted that Liam himself would do that. That he would just let Harry be happy with Nick. Which is probably why he’s finally allowing himself to really talk to Liam alone and finally ask _why_.

The two of them are now standing outside on the balcony of this ridiculously huge mansion, and Nick breathes in the cool air. Autumn has just started, but the heat hasn’t quite left and the wind hadn’t quite picked up yet. He’s not a big fan of autumn, since the wind most likely ruins his hair, but if this is the weather most of the time, he’d consider liking it more.

When Liam lets out a heavy breath beside him, he looks to the side and finally faces the younger lad, somewhat bracing himself for what might come. He doesn’t know for sure, but he just wants to be prepared for whatever. He knows for a fact that he can’t take Liam on, but he could at least look like he could.

 _Maybe_ , at least.

“You’re gonna fight me for him, aren’t you?”

The other lad blinks at him, then turns to face away, smiling sad enough that he notices and stiffens. Liam breathes out, though, and looks out at the sky before he speaks.

“No. No, I wouldn’t – I’m not going to fight you, Nick. He’s happy with you, so it would be… pointless.”

“But I thought you – “

“I do. Well, I do still love him – always have, but seeing how happy he is with you… He loves you very much. And I wouldn’t even dream of taking his happiness away. But trust me when I say this – I’m working on getting over him so you two can be together happily without you worrying about me. I just want him to be happy all the time, and if me getting over him is what I have to do, because I know there’s no chance of me ever being with him, then I’ll do it.”

He sighs and leans against the railing beside Liam, looking out as well. “I don’t think I deserve him then, if you’re willing to just let him go like that. I mean, doesn’t it hurt? Isn’t it hard for you?”

“Yeah. But it’s not about me. It’s about him and his happiness.”

“… Over yours?”

“Always. And besides, I’m not – It’s not me. I never was and I doubt I ever will be. And that’s okay with me, ‘cause I’d do anything for him. This – this doesn’t change anything. I don’t know about you, but I have always put him first, before myself, and I hope you do the same.”

Blinking at Liam, Nick opens his mouth, but then closes it when he can’t manage to say anything in return. What does one even say to something like that? ‘ _Oh. You’re so much better than me, so you deserve Harry a lot more than I do_ ’?!?! As much as he probably should say that, he just can’t will himself to. He can’t give Harry up. He just can’t. And yet, here is Liam, telling him to take care of Harry as he’s finally letting his best friend go. As he’s finally going to move on and try to fall in love with someone else who will love him back. And boy, does he deserve it.

Nick feels like a prick now. All because of this undoubtedly wonderful lad beside him who’s done everything he can to make Harry happy.

It’s too much, if you ask him.

“Liam, I can’t – You don’t have to do that. I mean, maybe I could – “

“Don’t be ridiculous, Nick. Harry is so much better off with you; it’s so obvious to everybody. There’s no way he could be any happier with me, of all people. I’ll always just be his best friend, and I’ve finally accepted that.”

“But you don’t know if he could be happier with you, because you and him have never tried. What if it is you for him?”

“I’m not. I can assure you that,” Liam concludes, smiling even wider as he looks down at the ground. “You see that tiny, loud, annoying, yet somehow endearing mess-of-a-lad down there?”

Nick follows his gaze and notices that he’s talking about Louis. He should’ve known, really, because who else could be described at what Liam said? He nods to let Liam know he sees Louis, and when he looks up, Liam looks happier just from spotting that loud mouth on the ground. A lot happier than he’s been since this conversation of theirs began.

Liam chuckles and shakes his head as Louis looks up and spots him, now waving his arms above his head and calling out to him. Nick raises his eyebrows to show his surprise, and Liam finally tears his eyes away from Louis to look back at him.

“You and Louis, then?”

“I think so. I mean, he’s definitely not Harry, but it doesn’t make him any less. Yeah, he’s a lot – too much, even. And yet, I find myself drawn to him. It took me a while to realize it, but maybe Louis could be it for me. Maybe I’ve always been in love with him too, but I never really thought about it. When I look back on it now, I was so caught up in Harry and possibly being with him – which has clearly always been impossible – that I never even noticed what could’ve been with Louis. That I never noticed Louis could be someone I could have and not worry about losing to someone else.

“He’s given me so much, and I’ve been too busy giving Harry everything… Louis might just be the one for me, and it’s taken me long enough to realize, don’t you think? I’ve spent way too much time making Harry happy, that I’ve forgotten and even ignored that I could make myself happy as well. That I could be with someone who loves me back just as much, if not more.

“You have that with Harry, and now I guess – … I want to have that with Louis. Like, I finally wanna be happy for myself instead of focusing on always making someone else happy. And I believe Louis’s it.”

After Liam finishes, he looks back down and laughs wholeheartedly as Louis dances around on the ground below. Nick smirks and shakes his head. He’s trying to figure out what to say, but maybe he doesn’t have to say anything other than,

“I’m glad you have him, then.”

“So am I.”

He smiles as Liam pats him on the back before he walks back into the house to most likely head down to join Louis. To join the one person he sees himself really having a chance at being completely happy with.

And Nick’s happy for him. He really is.

 

~~~

 

_He’s happy, so I should’ve been happy too, right?_

 

Harry finally finds Liam and Nick, who were standing on the balcony this whole time. All he did was get a drink and talk to a few of Nick’s friends, but after getting bored with that, he left to find them. It took him a while, because this freaking house is too big for its own good and he just couldn’t find them in less than half an hour. He probably got lost about ten times down a billion hallways and rooms, but he’s finally found them talking at the balcony, looking down at whatever.

He sighs in relief and is about to go up to them to join the conversation, but then he hears the end of what Liam says, stopping him from saying anything,

“You have that with Harry, and now I guess – … I want to have that with Louis. Like, I finally wanna be happy for myself instead of focusing on always making someone else happy. And I believe Louis’s it.”

When Liam pats Nick on the back and makes his way to leave, he smiles at Harry and tells him he’s going to head down to Louis. Harry only nods in return, since his heart is pounding loudly in his chest and he can’t mutter anything with his throat constricting like that. He actually feels quite faint, but Liam is already walking away before Harry can tell him that he needs him to stay. That he needs him to stay with _him_ and _not_ go to Louis. Not to tell Louis what he’s probably been waiting to hear for years and leave Harry like this.

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Nick says from the railing, motioning Harry to come over to stand beside him.

“Huh?”

“That Liam’s finally gonna be happy with someone. I mean, it’s still Tomlinson, but at least Liam knows what he’s getting himself into. They’ve known each other forever, yeah?”

 _I’ve known him longer_ , Harry wants to say, but keeps it to himself. He knows Nick might take it the wrong way, but the way he’s saying that – The way he looks so happy that Liam and Louis could really end up together… Well, Harry thinks he shouldn’t be. He thinks Nick should also be upset that those two might get together. He shouldn’t be freaking smiling like that. It’s not a good thing.

“What if it’s bad idea, though? Like, they used to _hate_ each other so much when we were kids. They could tear each other apart, for all we know,” he says instead, looking down and spotting Liam now with Louis as they laugh all too loudly. Too _happily_.

“That’s the past. Clearly they’ve grown quite fond of each other,” Nick disagrees lightly, nodding down.

“Louis’s not good enough for Liam.”

“Harry, come on now. Look at them. I really think they could make it work. And besides, Louis has obviously been waiting for this to happen. Liam’s finally making a move, so they’ll be happy together. It’s pretty obvious that they’ll be disgustingly in love soon enough, and we’ll just have to leave them to it, you know?”

Harry hums, but continues watching Liam and Louis goof around as they spray each other with – _Is that silly string? Where did they even get it?_

He can’t say he approves of this or their potential relationship, because he just can’t see it working. But he might not have to say it to Liam for him to notice. Liam can realize on his own and everything will be fine.

At least that’s what he hopes.

 

~~~

 

Louis’s drunk and all too happy as he and Liam stumble through the front door of his flat. He giggles as Liam shuts the door and crowds him in before he leans down and captures Louis’ lips. He sighs happily and wraps his arms around Liam’s neck to pull him closer.

He can’t believe this. He can’t believe Liam’s snogging the life out of him. He just can’t believe this is actually happening. And he’s waited so long for this.

“Mmm, Liam. Bedroom,” he mumbles as Liam pulls away from his lips and sloppily trails kisses down his neck.

“Alright, yeah. Let’s do that.”

Liam doesn’t warn him before he actually picks Louis up and heads up the stairs to Louis’ bedroom. He doesn’t seem to have trouble lifting Louis up with those freaking arms of his, and Louis might be dizzy from that. He whines and grinds down against Liam’s crotch, which he can now feel is hardening. Liam grunts, but manages to reach Louis’ room before dropping him on the bed and crawling over him to continue kissing him.

His hands are everywhere on Louis, who feels all too hot and absolutely grateful that when Liam starts pulling both of their clothes off.

As much as he wants things to continue escalating, because _fuck_ , Liam’s freaking abs and arms and chest and just about everything about him is _fit_ and it’s completely unfair. Louis knows he’s definitely not as fit as Liam (not that he ever will be), but compared to this gorgeous lad above him, he’s kinda pudgy in the belly area and he doesn’t want to turn Liam off when he sees it.

Besides, he thinks they need to talk first, since he has no idea what suddenly spurred Liam on.

“Liam, wait,” he pants out, pushing at Liam’s toned chest.

“What’s the matter? Did I do something wrong?” And of course Liam asks that anxiously as he pulls away and looks Louis over.

“No, no, don’t be ridiculous. Like you could do something wrong, you gigantic human puppy.”

“Then why did you stop me?”

“Because I’m an idiot and I wanna talk. About us – _this_.”

“Oh, right. Sure,” Liam says with a nod, sitting back to let Louis sit up.

As soon as he’s comfortable and settled back against the headboard, Louis meets Liam’s eyes and urges him to sit beside him. Liam complies and crawls over, plopping down and taking Louis’ hands in his with a small smile on his face.

“I’m really happy about this happening, ‘cause I’ve always dreamed of this, you know. But what brought this on? You’ve been all over me all night at the party and we were about to have sex _here_ , and everything’s been happening so quickly. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’ve always wanted this and I’m more than happy that this is happening right now, but if this is about you trying to replace Harry for me – “

“No! No, nothing like that. Louis, that’s not why I’m doing this, okay?”

“Then why? Why _now_ all of a sudden?”

Liam sighs and looks Louis in the eyes as he finally explains this. “Because I’ve made you wait long enough. Because I’ve finally realized that you’re it for me. That you’ve probably always been it for me, and not Harry. I was too blind to see it back then, but now I do. Well, I realized yesterday, but you know. I wanted to finally be happy with someone, and I’ve really thought about it and could only see that happening with you. Harry’s so happy with Nick, and who am I to take that away because of my crazy feelings for my best friend? He was never gonna fall for me, but that’s okay. I’ve accepted that, because I’ve managed to fall for _you_.

“Lou, I’ve fallen in love with you – probably always have been but never noticed – and if you could give me the chance now to finally make this work between us, then I’ll be the happiest man alive. I’ll make sure that you’re always happy and put you above anyone else.”

“Besides yourself, right?” Louis jokes with a shaky voice, wiping away his happy tears. “Because I do like to bottom and all, Payno.”

“Right. Thank you for the reciprocation of feelings, Tommo. I can always count on you, huh?”

“Well, you’ve always known how I felt about you, so you already know I love you back. Hence, Payno, you should now have your way with me and fuck me into this bed like you really mean what you said. Like you really love me.”

Liam’s crinkly-eyed smile appears then and Louis’ completely taken, he knows it. But he doesn’t mind at all, because Liam’s here and has finally caught him.

It’s more than he could ever ask for.

 

~~~

 

_They shouldn’t have gotten together and be this happy, but I was too late and it’s all my fault._

 

Liam and Louis get together and finally admit it to the rest of them a week later.

Harry seems to be the only one upset, because Niall and Nick both congratulate them. It’s ridiculous, though, since they’re just _dating_ , not getting married or any of the sort. He feels sick even thinking about that possibly happening sometime in the future, but he chooses to ignore it. Not that he has to force himself to pretend to show his happiness to the new couple.

He doesn’t think it’ll last very long, so he’s not all too worried about it. It’s mean and he shouldn’t be thinking like this about his best friend’s new relationship, but it’s just how he feels. It’ll take a lot to convince him otherwise.

That’s probably why when Nick proposes to him a week after, he doesn’t really feel as happy as he probably should be. He knows he should be elated and feeling at the top of the world, but he just doesn’t. And it’s not even his fault. Well, it actually is, but he’s not willing to admit it yet. Because, really, it’s all Liam and Louis’ fault. They’ve been way too inseparable and all love-dovey since they got together, and Harry _hates_ it. He hates that they look so sickeningly happy and that he’s too busy being bitter about it to fully take in the fact that he accepted Nick’s proposal and that they are engaged.

It’s a huge deal, but he’s too caught up in his best friend’s love-life to fully appreciate this happy moment.

As happy as he should and could be, he just isn’t.

He never would’ve imagined that Liam would be this happy with Louis or anyone other than him.

 

~~~

 

_I was losing him so quickly and I had no idea how to get him back even if I could’ve._

 

Almost a year goes by, and Harry’s going mental. With all the wedding preparations (the venue, invitations, guests, music, food, tuxes, and all that crap) that he and Nick have been focused on this whole time, Harry nearly pulls his hair out when Liam tells him the week before that he can’t come to the wedding.

He can’t even begin to process what Liam’s said, but he really hopes he heard wrong. That Liam’s pulling one on him even though it’s totally inappropriate and stressful to Harry.

“Liam, you can’t be serious.”

“I’m sorry, but I am,” says his best friend, who was supposed to stand beside him at the altar as his best man. “I know you’re stressed out about your wedding and you’ve already paid for everything, but I just can’t go.”

“Why? I don’t understand why you can’t go to _my_ wedding. I’m your best friend!”

“I know. That’s why this isn’t easy for me to say.”

“Then why are you saying it? I don’t get it, Liam! Why the hell are you not going when you’re the only one that matters?!”

Liam looks taken aback, but quickly composes himself. “Look, Hazza… I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, and I really think it’s for the best that I don’t go. It shouldn’t be hard for me anymore, but it is. You can be mad at me all you want, but that’s really how I feel about going to this wedding. I can’t go, okay?”

“Is it because of Louis? ‘Cause if you really want, I’ll invite him just so you’ll go. I know he’s your boyfriend and I never liked him at all, but I’ll freaking invite him for you,” he says desperately.

“It is partly because of Louis, but that’s not all. I mean, he was pissed when you didn’t invite him, but he accepted that. That’s not why I’m not going, though,” Liam explains, looking down at his hands set on the table. “I wanna take Louis on a vacation. He’s always wanted to get out of England and travel the world. I can’t exactly afford to travel everywhere yet, but I can manage to take us to France and Italy and Russia… Just the nearby countries, you know. I know he’ll be so happy if I do that for him. And I can do all that starting next week for three months or so.”

“And that – _that’s_ more important that going to _my_ wedding?”

He says it sharply and Liam flinches, but that’s the least of his worry. He’s absolutely _furious_ that Liam is actually choosing Louis over him. Liam’s never done that before and it’s completely blindsided him that Liam would ever do this. That Liam would put someone else’s happiness before Harry’s. It’s never been like this, and who is he to think it’d change so much so drastically? Yes, he knows he’s being selfish and ignoring the fact that Liam’s spent so many years making _him_ happy. But to miss _his_ wedding to make Louis happy by _travelling_ instead? How could that be a better option? How could _Liam_ think that it would ever be okay with Harry?

“Maybe to you it isn’t, but to me, this is everything. To _Louis_ , this’ll be everything.”

“There you go again about freaking _Louis_! Why is it always Louis, Louis, _Louis_ with you? Why is it more important that you make him happy and not me? You used to always put me first, Liam!”

“Because he loves me back, Harry!”

Silence falls between them for a whole minute, and Harry doesn’t say a word because Liam’s mad, too. He’s enraged and is standing up from the other side of the table, glaring down at Harry. He can’t believe Liam’s this mad at him, since he never has been.

“Because he loves me and I love him back, Harry. Because my whole _life_ I’ve been trying to make you happy and gave you the world and more. I barely even thought about myself and _my_ happiness. I was so caught up in yours that I didn’t even pay attention to mine. I didn’t even notice how Louis felt about me this whole time. It took me way longer than I should’ve, but I’m _happy_. I’m so happy with Louis and I didn’t think I’d ever be with anyone else but you.

“He’s given me so much and I didn’t even know about it. But when I finally did and accepted my happiness with _him_ , I’ve never been happier, Hazza. I’ve finally found my happiness and it’s all thanks to Louis. I’ve finally put myself and even Louis before you, and I’m glad I did because you have _Nick_. You’ve had him by your side since he finally made a move and you’ve been at your happiest.

“We’re all happy now, so don’t you just wanna enjoy that and hold onto it? ‘Cause I know I do. I know I wanna spend the rest of my life with Louis, and I know you want that with Nick. You two belong together and you’ll get married in a week. You don’t need me there, Haz. You’ll have him and that’s all you’ll need.”

When Liam finishes his speech, he sighs and walks to Harry’s side. He’s still frozen and doesn’t say a word, but Liam smiles down at him softly.

“You’ve never really needed me to make you happy, Harry. You’re meant to be with Nick, and he’s the one who was always supposed to give you that. That’s what Louis is to me now. Nick’s everything you need and Louis’s everything I need. We’ll be a lot happier this way.”

“… So you’re really not going, then?” he asks in a whisper.

“I don’t have to be there, no. I am your best friend and I’m happy that you’re settling with Nick. But you don’t need me at your wedding. But Louis… He needs me more.”

And with that, Liam walks out and leaves Harry sitting in the kitchen on his and Nick’s flat.

It feels a lot colder without Liam there.

He knows it’ll be even colder come the wedding day next week.

 

~~~

 

_He didn’t come. But I don’t blame him anymore._

 

A week goes by, he and Nick get married. He’s happy, but not as happy as he could’ve been.

He knows now that it’s all because Liam wasn’t there. He wasn’t standing with the rest of his groomsmen and smiling at him as he walked down the aisle. He wasn’t there to clap and congratulate Harry and Nick after they said their vows and kissed to seal their marriage. Not like Gemma and Niall were. Not like the rest of his and Nick’s friends and family.

And that was the hardest part to accept that night.

Even as he’s having his first dance with Nick right now and his _husband_ is looking down at him happier than ever, Harry can’t stop thinking about Liam. He can’t stop thinking about that Liam really didn’t come and is nowhere to be found. He can’t see Liam’s warm brown eyes and crinkly-eyed smile among their guests. No matter how many times he peaks over Nick’s shoulder, Liam’s still not here. Liam’s not here and won’t be.

When he starts crying into Nick’s chest, he tries to convince his husband that it’s because he’s overly happy that they’re finally married.

But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

He just really misses Liam.

Because it may be the worse timing ever, but he finally knows why he feels this way. Why he misses his best friend so much. Why he can barely breathe and not pull away from Nick’s chest to show how sad he really is.

He’s in love with his best friend, and Liam should’ve been the one in Nick’s place.

He doesn’t stop crying throughout the whole night.

Nick doesn’t seem to notice why.

 

~~~

 

_It only gets worse from there. I still think it’s my fault even though everybody else tells me I couldn’t have done anything about it. I’ve just never felt so broken and alone._

 

Before he knows it, a month goes by and his marriage with Nick stays strong. At least, as strong as it can with Harry being secretly in love with his best friend. His best friend, who he hasn’t heard from since he left with Louis to travel around Europe or wherever they are now.

He’s miserable and anxious and maybe Nick notices that.

Maybe that’s why he’s done everything for the past month to spend it as much time as he can with Harry. To distract Harry from his epiphany on his wedding day. That sad, sad epiphany.

It’s not fair on Nick, yet he can’t help how he feels.

But who could’ve seen it coming that he could be even more depressed after the news he gets that day about Liam.

He was so happy when Karen calls suddenly, knowing she has something to say about Liam. That it has to be something good, because everything about Liam is bright and lovely and how could he not have noticed either of their feelings for each other before? Why did he have to take so long and finally catch up _now_ … when it’s too late…

Karen’s crying into the phone as she tells Harry the worst news ever. And Harry joins her when he finally processes what she’s been stammering out through her tears:

“H- Harry… I’m so s- sorry… L- Liam’s g- gone. M- my baby’s gone. He’s just g- gone.”

He drops the phone from his hand and shakes his head furiously. He breathes out, ‘ _no no no no_ _no_ ’, because it _can’t_ be true. Liam can’t be gone. It’s just not possible. Liam is invincible, and Karen has to be lying to him. Liam couldn’t have just _died_ and left everyone else – left _him_ like this without a word.

Nick walks up to him hurriedly, dropping the stack of magazines in his hands as he was cleaning up around their house.

“Hey, babe. What’s wrong?”

“No, no, no. It’s n- not true, Nick. It just can’t be.”

“What? What’s not true?” his husband demands, taking his tear-streaked face in his hands. “Come on, babe. Tell me so I can help you. So I can make you happy. I hate seeing you so sad.”

Harry only sobs loudly and pushes Nick away. He drops to his knees and grabs for his phone on the ground. Karen’s still on the other line, and they’re both crying hard as he puts the phone back to his ear. They’re both sobbing and apologizing to each other about the terrible news. He’s still in denial, but judging from how Karen hasn’t stopped crying and keeps apologizing to him, he knows it’s true.

That Liam is really gone, and they’ll never see each other gone.

He’s sure Nick can hear what’s left of his heart break and shatter into tiny pieces from inside his chest.

But he still holds Harry and cries with him after he finally hangs up on Karen and crumbles on the ground because that’s all he can do.

Liam’s really gone and never coming back.

 

~~~

 

_I still can’t believe he’s gone. But neither can Louis._

 

The day of Liam’s funeral is the worst. Everyone’s crying and saying all these lovely things about Liam, but it’s all too much.

He can barely say anything when it’s his turn to speak. He’s crying even harder than he ever has, but he still manages to tell everybody just how great of a best friend Liam was. How he was the best and that no one will ever compare to him. It’s clear that they all agree, but cry through it. It’s so hard to say something when they’re all crying upon hearing others say such true words.

But no one will ever understand exactly what he means.

No one will ever understand everything’s Liam’s gone and given him just to make him happy. He can’t believe he’s only realized now when it’s too late. When Liam’s lifeless body is lying in a closed coffin behind him and he can’t start to thank him enough for everything.

He can’t say anymore, though. He cries so hard and has to lean against the podium as he heaves for air. When he feels someone’s arms go around him to pull him back and lead him to his seat, he gives in and cries into their chest. He can now tell that it’s Nick, because who else would it have been? Liam’s no longer here, so it has to be Nick.

All he has left is Nick and his family.

Not Liam, because he’s gone and left Harry all alone.

He doesn’t know how he’ll get through the rest of his life knowing that Liam will never smile at him to make his day. That he’ll never be there at all.

 

After the burial and people start leaving one by one, only Harry and Nick are left standing by Liam’s tombstone.

He still has yet to stop crying, but he can’t will himself to. It hurts so much, too much. Like his world is caving in and left him all alone. Like he’ll never be able to breathe again. Like his heart will never beat again. Like this is the end for him and he’ll be able to see Liam again. That they won’t be apart from each other anymore. That they’ll be reunited and stay together forever as he knows they should be.

Not like this. Not with him not being able to see, hear, or _feel_ Liam physically. Not when he only has a tombstone to look at in Liam’s place. Not when that’s all he’ll ever see of Liam again besides pictures.

It’s absolutely awful, and nothing could be worse.

Well, unless dark, grey clouds cover the sky and it starts pouring down on them.

“Li… God, I can’t believe this funeral is really for you. I can’t believe I’ll never see you again, or hear your laugh, feel your hug, your love… Yeah, I know. I – I now know how you’ve felt about me for years, and I’m so sorry I never realized before. That I was so blind and selfish that I just kept taking and taking from you. That I never thanked you for everything you’ve done and given me. And now I’ll never be able to thank you for all of that. I’ll never be able to do anything to make it up to you.

“You should’ve just told me how you felt, ‘cause I feel the same way. Who knows how long I’ve felt this way about you, but you’ve always come first to me too. I know you never realized it before, but it’s true. You can ask anyone – I really did always think of you before anyone else. But I just never knew how to show you, because you always beat me to it. You’ve always been so nice and caring to me, and how the hell was I supposed to beat that? How was I supposed to show you that I love you when you’ve always exceeded that?

“God, I wish I could see your face now. I’ve never missed anything more than you, you know. I’ve never felt so alone and cold. Who’s supposed to take care of me now? Who’s supposed to take your place, Li?”

He doesn’t expect an answer, but he gets one. From his husband, nonetheless.

“I will,” Nick whispers from behind him, wrapping his arms around Harry and kisses his cheek. “Liam, don’t worry about Harry. Like I promised you a long time ago, I’ll take care of him and always put him first like you did. At least, I’ll try my best to do that as good as you did. I know I’m not you and I never will be… And that he’ll never love me like he truly does love you, but I promise I’ll do everything to keep him from crying like this again. You have my word on that, mate. He’ll be fine and ready by the time he sees you again and you can both finally be together like it’s always meant to be. I’m sorry I got in the way of that, but I won’t let either of you down. And if I do, feel free to haunt me.”

Harry can’t help but chuckle at that briefly before he turns around and buries his face into Nick’s chest. He mumbles a thank you and continues letting the tears fall down his face along with the rain.

There’s no way he’ll ever really get over this.

But maybe he’s not the only one that feels this way, because a few feet from them is someone else sobbing loudly on his knees. He blinks through his tears and the rain coming down even harder now, and notices the familiar figure he hasn’t seen in a long time.

“Louis?”

The older lad doesn’t seem to hear him as he keeps sobbing into his hands, so Harry pulls away from Nick weakly and stumbles over to Louis. He drops to his knees beside him, but can’t figure out what to say. He knows they’ve never had the best relationship, since they only somewhat tolerated each other for Liam’s sake. And they were at even worse terms last time they saw each other, because Louis was the main reason why Liam didn’t attend his wedding. So, what could he possibly say now to Louis when they’re both evidently miserable?

Before he can think of what to say, Louis’s talking.

“It’s all my fault, you know.”

“I don’t believe you. It was an accident. And besides, you weren’t even there,” he replies.

“But I was supposed to be,” Louis insists, laughing sadly and ends up choking on it. “We were in Russia and we just fucked in our hotel room. Well, it was really a suite, but Liam being Liam, he wouldn’t have ever admitted he spent that much for it. But I knew… Anyway, he went out to buy us some fresh bread from this bakery down the street from the hotel. I was too lazy to join him ‘cause he fucked me so good and I just couldn’t get up even if I wanted to. I totally could’ve, but how was I supposed to know that would the last time I saw him? How was I supposed to know that that would be it and I would never be able to thank him for what he did for me? I mean, he spent so much for our whole trip and it ended way too early. It ended so _horribly_ , and it’s all my fault. If I would’ve just went with him, – “

“You would’ve died too,” Harry cuts in, shaking his head at Louis and finally wipes his eyes.

“But he wouldn’t have been alone! Maybe I could’ve kept him from getting hit by that damn cab. Like, maybe I could’ve pushed him out of the way.”

Harry keeps shaking his head and finally turns his head to face Louis. “Then the cab would’ve hit _you_ and killed you either instead or with him. That would’ve been stupid, Louis. You know that. And Liam wouldn’t have ever wanted to lose you. He wouldn’t have been able to deal with losing you, of all people.”

“… Then he would’ve had you.”

“I – I have Nick. I’m married,” he stammers out, looking away.

“But you’re really in love with Liam, right? I can tell, so don’t even deny it,” Louis declares, scoffing at him. “You always have been, like him, but you never even noticed your own feelings. And yet, Liam was always there for you. I was so jealous of that, as you probably always knew. I just couldn’t believe how in love with you he was when you didn’t even know how you really felt about him. But he just stayed by your side and gave you everything; absolutely _everything_ you wanted. He even gave you _Nick_ , for crying out loud!”

That catches Harry off guard, so he can only sputter out a protest. Louis waves it off, though, and continues.

“It’s true, Curly. He was the one that told Nick to make a move on you at that party years ago. I know he wasn’t really happy about it, but he just knew you would be. And you were. Your face, when Nick walked up to you and asked you to dance… It crushed Liam, but he put his feelings for you aside, like he always did. He saw how happy you were, he wanted to keep that smile on your face.

“Then after your first real fight with Nick, he told me he actually _called_ Nick and made him apologize to you. I mean, who does that? It must’ve killed him seeing you two make up in front of him, but he did it anyway, because it made you happy, right? Because everything he ever did was to make you happy, and that made me so mad. I was so angry at you for not noticing or showing how grateful you were for all he did for you. He just kept giving you the world and you just took from him like it was nothing. I’ve never felt so bad for anyone in my life.

“But then he told me he let you go after that party at one of Nick’s hipster friend’s mansion. That bloody place… Who would’ve known that would be where me and Liam got together? As much as I hated that party and all the people, Liam actually made that night for me because he told me he was over you and that he loved _me_. I couldn’t believe it either, but it happened. He actually chose _me_ over _you_.

“Not that it lasted long,” Louis concludes, sniffling and wiping at his eyes.

Harry has to clear his throat before he finally says something. “You were with him for over a year. Longer than I was with him. I never had that chance.”

“But I could tell he always wanted you. I know he tried his best to get over you to be with me, but I knew he still loved you. Probably not as much as before, but he still loved you. And I know he always will because you two really were meant to be. Just not now, I guess. But neither were we. You always had his heart; most of it, anyway. I’m glad I got at least a part of it, though. God, you have no idea how lucky you were to have all of him for so long. And he was just waiting for you to catch up this whole time. Then Nick came.”

“Then Nick came,” he repeats as he looks over at his husband looking down at Liam’s tombstone with a soft smile on his face. “Nick doesn’t deserve this. What I’ve put him through… He knows I love Liam, but he’s still here.”

“He may not love you as much as Liam ever has, but at least he’s here. At least he’s trying,” Louis reminds him.

“Yeah. I don’t deserve it, though. I just hurt the people I love.”

“But they probably think it’s worth it. I mean, even though Liam was in pain – no pun intended – to have to see you all happy with Nick, he wouldn’t have taken that from you. You were happy, and that’s what mattered to him. And even though Nick knows you’re really in love with Liam, he’s clearly still willing to keep his promise to Liam and make you happy until you see Liam again. It’s all worth it to them. That’s how lucky you are, Harry.”

 

~~~

 

Decades pass and now Harry’s lying in his hospital room at the old age of 85 holding Nick’s shaky hand.

They both laugh about how ridiculous it is that he’s passing before Nick, who’s older by a few years. But he wouldn’t have it any other way. Besides, he doesn’t think he can handle losing another person he loves even after all these years.

Nick may be 88 now and Liam was only 25 when he left so suddenly, but it’s still hard to lose the people you love. It doesn’t hurt much less later on, he imagines.

He squeezes Nick’s hand when he feels that this is it. That he’s about to take his last breath and they don’t need any more words exchanged between them. Nick smiles all teary-eyed and leans over to peck his lips softly before pulling away and pushing Harry’s hair back from his face. He caresses his cheek and whispers one last thing before Harry’s heart finally stops beating:

“He’s ready for you now, Liam.”

And Harry passes a second later with a smile set on his lips as he finally ends up with Liam.

 

 _Finally_   _w_ _here I belong._

**Author's Note:**

> YAY! You made it to the end!
> 
> What did you think about this? I know it was mostly sad, but it kinda ended happily, I guess (?!?! - Please don't hate me! It was always part of the plot, but I'm still sorry for breaking your hearts by killing off my fave from this story). Let me know by leaving a comment and giving me a kudos! I hope I didn't break your hearts too much and that you'll hate me for writing this, but I just had to let this idea out and finally write it.
> 
> ***Also, if you didn't get it, Harry's thoughts were the ones in Italics (just to clarify). If you got confused at some part while you were reading, let me know so I can explain it! I don't mind! :)
> 
> Feel free to check out my other stories too! (You can also find my other stories on Wattpad under the same username: hopeangel11)


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